TV Show Mom’s Say the Darndest Things (Mom Quotes!)

Upon discovering Postcards From Yo Momma I have felt uplifted that I am not the only one with a crazy mother. I suppose this is nice timing (I can’t actually say I planned this) since Mother’s Day is fast approaching. I had to google the day myself. For anyone who may have forgotten and are asking themselves ‘when is Mother’s Day anyway?’ - worry no more: it’s on Sunday, May 11th for 2008. But as for a Mother’s Day gift, that’s up to you. And here’s some wise, kind advice: no one wants another coffee mug.

This post is similar to one I did about The Office, remember that? If not, that’s why we have tags! Basically, I’m taking the actual real quotes, and then assigning a TV character to match. It’s a fun game to learn and play. So, hereeee we go!

I must love you
This will be the title of all my e-mails from now on, since everything you ask me to do is a royal pain in the ass.

Could have been said by: Joy Lass from Dead Like Me (actress Cynthia Stevenson). Ever so cynical, you know she’d be a difficult mom to deal with.

Passover
Dear Sweetie Pie,

I have acquired a beautiful yet practical blue, gold,and clear glass seder plate for the [xxx] family. It is the kind I would choose for myself: artistic yet easy to wash, not too heavy, and having no crevices for food to stick to. It’s too bad they won’t have it for the first night of Passover. I hope they don’t go out and buy one. Can you hint that they won’t have to after Sunday? It would be a shame.

I hope your day went well and without travail.

Did [xxx] get my email?

Love, MOM

Could have been said by: Emily Gilmore from Gilmore Girls (actress Kelly Bishop). Specific, ridiculous requests have always been her specialty.

Aspertame
In my previous email, I forgot to mention the article about aspertame was under-previous columns.
You should also read the article on fungus.

Could have been said by: Temperance Brennan from Bones (actress Emily Deschanel) if she was a mom right now.

Jewlez CD
Hey,

I got a package from Jewlez (or something name like that today from Florida.) I opened it and it was a brand new Doors CD. I have not ordered a Doors CD. Did any of you? With the way things are, I wanted to follow-up to make sure no one is using my name/ID.

Well, if you solve the mystery, you get a prize. (No, it is not a trip to Hawaii, but it could be a very nice dinner at Applebee’s.

Also, Maisie has to have expensive surgery next week. Taz is ugly and your dad snores. My life is rich beyond words.

LOVE TO YOU ALL!

MOM

Could have been said by: Regina from Samantha Who? (actress Jean Smart). She is the type to drone on about her problems, be a tiny bit clueless, and then also say something sarcastic that makes you love her.

It involves a lot of crap
I called you last night-how come you haven’t gotten in touch?

Take pity on me-I’m having a colonoscopy (MY stupid choice!)tomorrow and it involves a lot of crap-literally!

Yeah, when I haven’t heard from you via email or phone when I’ve tried to get in touch,I always get concerned and picture you in some Bulgarian torture device or something.

But then sometimes when I haven’t heard from you it’s because things seem to be going badly for you,so either way,-Call or email me!!!!!!

Mom

Could have been said by: Joyce Summers from Buffy the Vampire Slayer (actress Kristine Sutherland). Okay, I actually don’t think she would have said most of this - but the part about the Bulgarian torture device, and the tone of worry sounds like Joyce to me. Ignore the other stuff.

LITTLE PRAWNS
Hi Sweetie - This computer is taking control of the operations. Once I have received my messages it cuts off the line connection ALL BY ITSELF. It says down at the bottom of the screen that it is still “working online”, but this is an egregious lie. It is sound asleep - I can almost hear it snoring. If I go back to sympatico to reconnect, my reply to whatever message managed to get through vanishes. Alla peanut butter sandwiches. In fact I don’t even know why I am bothering to peck this message out, as it will probably join the other fugitives in limbo. Help!

Gotta blow - it is sunny and 22 degrees!!!!!!!!!!!!!! xoxoxox Mamacita xoxoxox

Could have been said by: Lorelai Gilmore from Gilmore Girls (actress Lauren Graham). Nothing Lorelai says is ever boring. The fact that she says it at the speed of lightning just increases the funny. She probably picked up the word ‘egregious’ from Rory.

Mom’s gchat message
need a challenge? try pairing your husband’s black socks

Could have been said by: Joy Lass from Dead Like Me (actress Cynthia Stevenson). She’s bitter and I love her in this weird way, so she made this list twice.

Could have been said by: Lorelai Gilmore from Gilmore Girls (actress Lauren Graham). Okay, she also makes this list twice, she’s amazing. She’s the mom everyone wants. Now, instead of reading this as the what I imagine to be pretty ditzy mom typed (or maybe the sarcasm doesn’t translate well), Lorelai would say this in a rant, with pure comic genius. At the end it would be, “I don’t know HOW the loofa knows if it is a 30 day month or a 31 day month, or even a 28 day month - but believe me, it knows.”

Space
I just found out that outer space is closer than your apartment.

Have a good trip!!

-mom

Could have been said by: I don’t know. I think this is really funny. Who do you think?

Have you subscribed to Sofachip yet? I don’t know why you’d wait any longer! (There’s a link right on the main page to do so.) There’s tons of super-amazing TV show-related content, so look around. And, I’m really modest so it’s amazingly hard for me to admit that!

Pictures from Starpulse.com