House M.D. : Observations About Unconditional Love and Parting Words

Son of Coma Guy is a season three episode of House M.D. that I find especially powerful for the emotional resonance that I feel it can have for almost any viewer, including myself. Contrary to popular belief by some, TV can make you think.

I believe the more substantial in issue of this episode is the idea of unconditional love vs. conditional love. The easiest answer is to assume that family members can, will, and do lend themselves to dispensing unconditional love to us. (Wilson and Cameron would be the first to argue that it’s not just family that does this – then again, maybe it just takes people like them to do that.) This does not always prove true. We know that, according to House, it is not true when it comes to House and his father.

Aside from family, we develop connections with people – like our friends, and they can also provide this level of unconditional love. It might be true that the only person in House’ life that offers it to him is Wilson. Wilson is very patient. Now, one might argue that Cameron actually has unconditional love for him, as well. Perhaps even Cuddy. It might not be displayed in the same way, but I think it’s possibly true.

I rewound the DVD about five times trying to copy down this exchange between House and Wilson, so forgive me for any mistakes and paraphrasing:

House: Of course, there’s always the simple explanation. Maybe he just doesn’t like his son. The delusion that fathering a son instills a permanent geyser of unconditional love….

Wilson: Maybe your father’s feelings were conditional. Let me put it in terms you can understand. We have an evolutionary incentive to sacrifice for our offspring, our tribe, our friends — keep them safe.

House: Except for all the people who don’t. …Everything is conditional. We just can’t always anticipate the conditions.

So, it’s true – except when it isn’t. Maybe some people, some families – they’re just lucky. There are unlucky people with unlucky situations. And how much more difficult is it to survive in this world when you don’t have unconditional love in your life? Is it even possible? Even if it isn’t there, does a person have to have the illusion that they have it from someone, just to get through the day?

As with the trickiest questions in life, and the best episodes of TV (even if they end on a happy note) there is no clear answer. There is not one finite answer to our questions about unconditional love, or conditional love. At least none that I can see, or that I can extract from this episode. While we see that ‘Coma guy’ does has unconditional love, that is just one example – a scripted example. I don’t want to sound bitter, but I cannot reasonably argue that my questions are solved on this subject. It’s subjective. I believe you’ll see, and believe – what is easiest for you to believe. Even if it’s not what you wish is true.

The other issue in the episode that I found interesting was that House was asked what he’d like to hear most from his father – if it could be just one thing. The answer was, “I’d want him to say ‘You were right. You did the right thing.’”

While it’s not specific enough to tell us what House wants to be told he was right about, it is specific enough to show that what House craves is basic approval from his father. Don’t we all? Not just Father’s – but also mother’s, siblings, friends. But the parental approval seems to be the one we crave most often. More than that, I’ll ask this question: what do you do when you can’t get it? Does this contribute to how bitter House is? Could it be that simple, or just another piece of the puzzle?

Without spoiling the episode for anyone who hasn’t seen it – I’ll say that at the end of the episode, House is asked if someone’s father has a message for him. House, not sure what to say, says the words he said he wanted. “You were right. You did the right thing.” While the boy doesn’t understand it (it’s so vague – and it doesn’t answer a specific question he had), he still seems appreciative of this.

More than the fact that it is a phrase that gives approval – well, no, I think that’s it. When you give a final message to someone, I don’t think you find yourself apologizing for the small things. If you have a moment, you go for a grand gesture – you go for something that the other person will find solace with in the middle of the night. You go for something they can hold onto, and will apply to so much more in their life than one small detailed message. Maybe this isn’t always the case. But I know it’s what I’d want. That’s why ‘I love you’ is such a powerful message.

House: You know what I found interesting about this case?

Wilson: That it proved that people can love unconditionally, and you can tell yourself it’s not true, but you’ll just end up in a hotel room in Atlantic City asking someone to cut your heart out?

I’m just a girl, these are just my thoughts. Please share your thoughts as well, they are welcome.

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Pictures from housewiki.fox.com and wounded-hearts.net

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