Why are we Mean?
Today I stumbled upon something that technically falls into the category of entertainment but never should have been. I am referring to a story I found on Mashable via NewTeeVee which is about a 19-year-old male named Abraham K. Biggs who ended his own life by committing suicide on Justin.TV (a site I’ve never heard of). The entertainment I mentioned was that people watched this while ‘LOLing’ in the chat as they saw him lying and unmoving on his bed after making a suicide threat. The ‘LOLing’ continued an hour later when cops arrived and things were obviously very serious.
People kill themselves in view of the online world, perhaps as if to say ’see, this is how much you/the world has hurt me - I’ll make you see’. This is absolutely wrong and suicide is never the right answer. However there is something that disturbs beyond that, and it’s the reaction to this boy’s desperate attempt. It’s the way people so openly (and conveniently anonymously) mock and harass other people on the internet. (Which is sadly visible to some extent in the screen captures here.)
Cyber-bullying, as it is coined, doesn’t just occur between teens. The ability to be anonymous and say what you want causes a problem because most people seem to either lack or refuse to use a sense of humanity and respect when they see a way to harass and get away with something. And this isn’t new either - it’s a lot like that ‘ding-dong-ditch’ game, in a sense. Only this time it’s much more personal.
Too many people refuse to take responsibility for cruel things they say, it’s become acceptable to be a jerk rather than an empathetic person. Of course I can’t say I’ve never said something about someone - online or offline - that wasn’t nice.
I understand the inclination to write-off anyone’s pitying comments in a chat room about how they want to die. I can recall being in AOL chat rooms back in the day and seeing people say they were going to kill themselves. This was generally followed by people telling them that they should - calling their bluff. (Let me make a plea to anyone who feels depressed to try not to sort out feelings with the anonymous online world in a chat, and instead call one of the many free 24-hour hotlines there to provide support.)
My first, and most personally severe incident with what could be called cyber-bullying occurred when I was very new to the Internet. I was 16 years-old when someone online got mad at my friend and I and then made very graphically violent comments about murdering us, coming to get us, and so forth. I’ll admit…it scared me shitless.
That is obviously very different than the Biggs’ story and the MySpace bullying that goes on today, but had that happened in flesh-reality I would have reported them to the police. But the world online is very tricky territory when it comes to threats. It’s almost expected, so police don’t want to do anything (as you can read in the article regarding Biggs). Of course, how can we expect the police to follow-up on every possible false threat? That’s impossible.
The only comment I could make to the Mashable article at the time that I read it was simply this: I hate that I can believe this happens.
Resource I would recommend:
Befrienders.org : Find a free hotline based on the issue that is causing you pain.
What I've been listening to while writing this. I think Jewel has a healing voice.
You find yourself falling down
Your hopes in the sky
But you heart like grape gum on the ground
And you try to find yourself
In the abstractions of religion
And the cruelty of everyone else
And you wake up to realize
Your standard of living somehow got stuck on survive
- Jewel, lyrics to Deep Water on the Spirit Album
Fill your lives with love and bravery
And you shall lead a live uncommon
- Jewel, lyrics to Life Uncommon on the Spirit album
About the Author: Your above-average sweet, smart, and snarky Girl Friday. Impeccable taste. Analytical. Liberal. Friend to animals. Always found in cute shoes. Check the Sofachip 'About' page for more (classified!) info.
Gina | Nov 22, 2008 | Reply
The internet has become a definite venue for both the good and the bad. Some use it to hide behind who they are with figures of who they may want to be; some use it to show the world who they REALLY are when they aren’t brave enough to do that in real life; then the others just use it for informational purposes.
One thing the internet has done is glorified so many things. Those of us who would never make it onto traditional platforms of glory and fame can become superstars on the internet, if even for literally 15 minutes.
Unfortunately, one of the situations that has risen to the top is violence and gratuitous scenes. Girls who FILM them beating each other up, people using their camera phones to watch someone hit another over the head with a metal chair (but never go to help the victim), people using platforms like MySpace to attack someone (the sickest form of this was the story of the mom pretending to be this boy who liked one of her daughters classmates).
The internet makes us brave - and in many cases, stupid. I’m not saying Biggs was stupid (although suicide isn’t smart), but knowing people were watching him might’ve made him brave. I don’t know - it’s a sad story and any kind of bullying is so cowardly and wrong. I’ve been a victim of it more in real life than on cyberspace.
Those are the ones who are the most stupid.
Jessica Rae | Nov 22, 2008 | Reply
Gina,
I’m glad someone responded! Usually I understand and don’t mind if people don’t leave comments, but since I was being all serious here I hoped to generate something in the comments (I exposed my soft and mushy interior!). And I’d rather your one thoughtful one, than ten comments that say ‘yea, it sucks’. So this is good
Biggs wasn’t a stupid guy I don’t think, but what he did was not smart. He was probably very emotionally disturbed and feeling hopeless. I agree that the Internet factor might have made him brave in a way, wanting to do something drastic more than if he wasn’t online.
Bullies in any form are always wrong and jerks. Whether it’s the bullies of the 50’s who’d steal someone’s milk money, or today’s online MySpace bullies - it’s sad.
One of the reasons I like PostSecret.com is because it encourages a community (ironically, with anonymity) of sharing how flawed and beautiful we are, and leads to understanding and a feeling of closeness. That’s one of the places on the Internet that’s taken online tools and made a great use of them.
Erica | Nov 23, 2008 | Reply
Jessica,
Thanks for posting on this. In the ongoing story that is death via the online express, this is another terribly sad chapter.
The WWW has the ability to connect us all in ways we never imagined possible (I have Facebook to thank for rekindling some of my adored high school friendships), yet it also brings out the worst in humankind (it seems ironic to say ‘kind’… human-nasty-nature, more like).
As a non-anonymous blogger, I’ve experienced all the awfulness that being online permits – from a stampede of vitriolic, anonymously authored personal attacks to the despondent, helpless feeling of being alone despite all those fabulous online contacts.
Concentrating the most part of your day online can be a lonely and solitary way to live, despite the ‘relationships’ we’re able to establish via social networks and e-mail, etc. There is no substitute for bona fide human contact: the soothing voice of your mother; a hug from a friend; a sympathetic look from a co-worker; the laughs permeating a happy office; a meal shared with family; a D&M with your best friend about your aspirations, hopes and dreams over coffee…
There is nothing worse than receiving a negative message online and literally having no one to talk to to help you work through the issue. Such comments can ferment in your brain to the point of driving one insane… perhaps even to suicide, as we have now witnessed with Biggs and also with Megan Meier.
For the mentally fragile, the online world can be a dangerous place. Just as I would recommend someone with a predisposition for over-spending get rid of their credit cards, I’d suggest those with a predisposition for depression and/or anxiety keep the time they spend online in check… a healthy balance between online time and ‘real life’ is absolutely essential. I even think there should be restrictions/curfews for young people in this regard (extreme?).
Of course, not all teens/young people are going to take drastic measures in order for the world to recognise (finally!) that they have a problem. Our mental issues manifest themselves in many ways - starved bodies, chronic insomnia, depression, anxiety, drug abuse… Hopefully, most people have a supportive group of friends and family in the real world who will help them recognise and deal with issues before they become larger than life itself.
Props to you for providing links to online mental health resources - their presence is a gift to the web.
Thanks again for the thought-provoking post.
Erica/Girlwithasatchel
Jessica Rae | Nov 23, 2008 | Reply
Hey Erica,
Thank you for taking the time to make a comment. Mental Health Awareness is an issue close to my heart.
I didn’t mention this in the piece, but I also had a cruel joke played on me by a disturbed individual who I was talking with in IMs and had known for a while who then said he was killing himself - and proceeded to type as the paramedics… And it was an entire sick joke played to have fun/get attention.
I think the mentally vulnerable should veer away from the net and choose a real-life therapist and help before ever looking for online websites and support groups, because you can’t know how well those are regulated.
I like that there are ‘warm-lines’ and not only ’suicide hope hotlines’ because some people need to talk but if they don’t think they’re suicidal (or know they’re not), they won’t call.
I do think a considerable amount about what the risks are for bloggers (or anyone) who release pictures and info about their life - it makes me nervous. If people know who you are they can (and will) leave those negative, anonymous, comments - as you said you’ve received yourself. You can bet that if they saw you on the street they would not be so rude or forward. It makes me sad that people can’t share without others wanting to take advantage of that.
Okay. Hope I’m making sense. I had to go back and do a bit of revision because I was emotional when composing the post.
In happier news, I made cashew chicken for dinner and jasmine rise smells like popcorn!