My Friends All Sound Like TV Characters (No, Really!)

The deal is that I saved quotes people said. And then I realized everyone sounded like my favorite TV characters. So I’ve complied this post to prove that they do, and that I’m not crazy.

The rules? Mwahaha, there were no rules! Any person I quoted might have many different ‘alter egos’ – no one was assigned just one character.

Andy Botwin from Weeds aka Britt: Megan Fox is on my list of People I Dislike For No Apparent Reason. Or PIDNAR as I never call it.

(Editors note: Denise Richards used to be on my PIDNAR list, until she then gave me too many logical reasons.)

Nancy Botwin from Weeds aka Jessica: I haven’t become a cynic. I’ve been one this whole time.

Rory Gilmore from Gilmore Girls aka Ali: Your crazy American life is not too different from a crazy Irish one. Brian is someone who would put fruit on people’s heads too, trust me.
Lorelai Gilmore from Gilmore Girls aka Jessica: Great, now I’m not special.

Nancy Botwin from Weeds aka Britt: I’ve also been looking into finding insurance for Sam and it just all confuses me. Most people get insurance through work but Sam works for Satan and Satan doesn’t insure his workers.

Liz Lemon from 30 Rock aka Kerstin: Last spring, Josh and I drove to a wedding that was 8 hours away. My mom was worried that we’d run out of things to talk about on the drive. I assured her that we would not because I am more fun than a barrel of monkeys! Throughout the weekend, my funness kept increasing until I was more fun than 11 barrels of monkeys! I think I was up to 14 by the time we got back home. lol. But it’s tiring to keep up that level of monkey. So I normally just stick to one barrel of monkeys.

Tracy Jordan from 30 Rock aka Elizabeth: My sister has ordered me to reevaluate my life and become consumed by an existential crisis.

Foreman from House M.D. aka Jen (12:15:43 AM): How about Denmark?
House from House M.D. aka Jessica (12:15:54 AM): Hamlet. Tragedy. Could work.

Cordelia Chase from Angel the series aka Britt: We *were* going to Disney but they’ve raised the prices again. Now it’s approximately one kidney for the value resorts, bone marrow transfers for the moderate resorts, and a sacrificial first-born over Walt’s grave for a deluxe resort. So now it’s time to make a baby! Kidding.

Andy Botwin from Weeds aka Kerstin: lol. YOU MUST TAKE DRUGGGGGGS. I am your D.A.R.E. officer’s worst nightmarrrrrrreeeeeee

Liz Lemon from 30 Rock aka Britt: Whoa, that sounds mildly pornographic. Er, if you’re a pervert. Which, apparently I am….

Jim Halpert from The Office aka Todd (11:56:47 PM): you have no idea what that word means, do you?
Michael Scott from The Office aka Jessica (11:56:52 PM): SOUTH
Michael Scott from The Office aka Jessica (11:56:54 PM): army
Michael Scott from The Office aka Jessica (11:57:01 PM): turnipy
Jim Halpert aka Todd (11:57:03 PM): the answer is no.

Paris Geller from Gilmore Girls aka Jessica: i think maybe i’m weird
Lane Kim from Gilmore Girls aka Kerstin: I know I’m weird.

Jenna Maroney on 30 Rock aka Jessica: do you ever think we’re (mostly you) geniuses and everyone would laugh at everything we say?
Kenneth Parcell on 30 Rock aka Britt: I think people do laugh at what I say but it’s in a very sad way.

Buffy Summers from Buffy the Vampire Slayer aka Britt: I need to send you some inhalation beads that cure headaches!
Xander Harris from Buffy the Vampire Slayer aka Jessica: nothing cures what satan puts on me!
Buffy Summers from Buffy the Vampire Slayer aka Britt: Satan needs to take a vacation and leave you alone. Or wait–maybe this is his vacation. Then he needs to get a job! And also maybe try to get me one too because I bet if they’ll hire Satan they’ll hire me.

Auto Response from Jim Halpert aka Jessica (4:39:03 PM): “Do you ever watch Gilligan’s Island reruns and really, really think they’re going to get off the island this time?”
Michael Scott from The Office aka Kerstin (4:39:02 PM): no. but I once went on a whale watching boat ride in California and they said over the loud speaker as we were getting ready to board that it would be a three hour tour, so we all suddenly worried that we’d never make it home.

Angel from Angel the series aka Britt: I just know I don’t like her.
Angel from Angel the series aka Britt: Although, I never actually seen her act.
Doyle from Angel the series aka Jessica: She was in Transformers
Angel from Angel the series aka Britt: I missed that one.
Angel from Angel the series aka Britt: I also missed the new Batman, Indiana Jones, and the last Pirates of the Caribbean. Basically the last movie I saw was The Karate Kid Part 2.

Meredith from The Office aka Jessica: what did you think of The Office tonight?!?!!
Michael Scott from The Office aka Myk: Awesome beyond awesome! The proposal, oh man. Angela is a raging slut.

Dwight Schrute on The Office aka Britt: Now by “original American Werewolf in Paris” are you referring to AN AMERICAN WEREWOLF IN LONDON, the 1981 feature written and directed by John Landis, starring David Naughton, Griffin Dunne, and Jenny Aguter with special effects by Rick Baker, featuring only songs with the word “moon” in the lyrics, and the very first recipient of the Academy Award for Best Special Effects? That one? Not only is the film arguably John Landis’s best work, it’s also one of the best werewolf movies of all time. Absolute hilarity and absolute horror combine to make an awesomely powerful scary movie with tons of gore and some nudity thrown in for the hell of it.

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